Saxon James Kiesewetter - Online Memorial Website

Dear Saxon, I went to JoDeener road to go back to where you wanted to live and where we lived before on your birthday. You would have been 15 here on earth on July 17th, 2008. Wow you would have been excited to get closer to the driving age. Anyway I went to the Beagle Club & I thought about our times at the trailer when we lived there. I thought of how much you loved living near Sean and the musher’s and Travis. Most of them can drive now. I thought about how the one day we were going for labs in your 2nd year of the battle but we were both saying how much fun we had in our little 4 ft pool. We would night swim all the time in the summer and dance on the patio, we didn’t have much but we had each other and we always acted more like friends than mom & child because we loved each other so much. You had so much to do there, going to Miranda's or any of your friends homes because you could nearly walk to any of them. Summer was our favorite time but you always said but mom I love winter too as you would love sled riding down that huge hill just right outside our door. I tried it too and remember how much fun it was going down but then we had to walk up that huge hill to do it all over again. Anyway sitting at the Beagle club allowed me to remember and to grieve for you and the good times again. I then went to Evans City School because most of your time was there as "an older Kid" being a 6th grader was as high as 1 could get before Jr high. I was so proud when you got the "Most improved child in the 6th grade award for your school work" nanny & I were there and we were crying because you really worked hard for that. We knew you were going to get it that day but you didn’t and the smile on your face was priceless. I then went to the cemetery to see if you solar lights light up your beautiful face that is etched on your memorial stone. I never looked at it at late dusk but it is eerie there at night. It's lonely and empty for me seeing it at night like my heart feels inside. I know I shouldn't torture my mind with where or what you'd be doing so often but it is normal for the mind to travel to those places all on it's own. When that happens I just miss you more. Sara died sax but you probably know that already as maybe you have welcomed her in Heaven by now as she passed on the 13th of this month. I wanted to go to her funeral but I have been so down about you that I couldn’t. She was the last of all that we started treatment with to die as all the others have gone. I hope that my crying and sadness does not keep you from having full peace in Heaven with God as I would never want that. I only wish that I would feel your presence here more or see the signs more. I think that all parents who lose a child want that comfort. I miss you Saxon in such a way that I've never imagined a feeling like this could exist to a person. A feeling of emptiness, aching, incompleteness of ones soul. A chronic heartache that nothing will heal it that exists on earth. I know that in Heaven a soul is ageless so maybe saying Happy Birthday isn’t right so I wish you Happy Angel's Day my son, may the 17th of each year be Happy Angel's day to you as you continue to celebrate new life, eternal life with God. I must continue to find a way to do something worth while in this bubble called Earth. I love you endlessly!!!! Love to you and 4 you Always your "momma". Forever.