Saxon James Kiesewetter - Site Memorial Online

Oh Saxon, I dont know  how we go on without you .So much has changed, our family, our home and  our lives ever since you left us. Your life has inspired us to be strong, not complain as much and to do  things that perhaps we never would have done in our lives before. For me that was getting a horse. Oh and I'm sure you klnow but I bought that 2006 Hummer we were going to buy in 2006 when they called to let us know your cancer is back. The horse is my therapy but nothing will ever fill my gigantic hole that is in my heart  from losing you.  My life has changed and continues to change. I feel as though I am walking through life in some one else's shoes and in someone else's body.  This life does not feel like my own because you aren't in it and I lost my ability to feel anything the same way.  I am looking and hoping that some love will come my way again so that enduring your lose and the burden of the grief I carry will be made easier and lighter.  Without you it is lonely as my side kick and partner is gone and remains only in my memory and in my heart and I still see that smile in your pictures.  I miss it so much and I miss you saying "I love you momma dont ever die or leave me and what would I do without you."  Well saxon- now what do i do without you???  Im not really running my life so i hope God is because if it's the evil one I hope youre watching over mebecause the only quest that I seem to be on is to find some measure of happiness again like what I felt when you were near.  You loved life and had so much to look forward to and I want to try and live with that idea as well but I am in need of a way to do that.  Please stay by my side and if it isnt too much trouble sax could you let me know when your near.  Ya know Sean and JT are graduating and that is hard as it is a reminder that you wont ever have that chance and you should have.  Well maybe you have but did u have to go to Heaven to do it?  Have I said how much I miss u can u read my mind if I dont speak the words out loud.  I hope you can help your brothe in some way to get into that doctorate program and to keep him safe.  I love him and I know you loved him too.  We all miss you baby.  For ever and ever. you'  are the peach pie apple of my eye, remember that.

Dedicated to my beloved Saxon,

written by unknown author(to them I say Thank you)

As long as I can dream,
As long as I can think,
As long as I have a memory,
I will love you.

As long as I have eyes to see,
And ears to hear,
And lips to speak...
I will love you.

As long as I have a heart to feel,
A soul stirring inside me,
An imagination to hold you...
I will love you.

As long as there is a time,
As long as there is a love
As long as I have breath to speak your name...
I will love you.

Author Unknown

An e-mail in the sent file from Saxon-Something I'll always treasure

 

From:Saxon

Date: Monday,May 2006 7:50am

To: Diana Litzenberg

Subject: Happy mothers dat

 

 

I loved it when we felt like a family & you'd come into the bedromm and try & give jer the biggest Jerbear hug, you were so huggable and loved to give hugs. The family dynamic isnt the same now it went with you. I miss you around the house filling the house with your love and life and spirit.  I miss the doors banging and your laughter letting me know that your around.  I miss hearing your computer chair roll around knowing its you researching something for your quad or bike which are now gone as you are gone.  Why,Why!!!!  Of all the people you loved me unconditionally, you considered me your best friend, I had your support and God knows I gave you mine.  I could have and should have been better at that though.  There was always room for improvement on a mothers part but we do our best.  I wish I would have held you everyday longer and tighter, but there were those times when your pain prevented me from holding you as it hurt you too much. Oh Saxon, I'll forever miss you so deeply and so prfoundly until I die and part of me already has.  The pain in my heart at times is over whelming.  I love you son.

Oh Saxie, I know that you probably cant read these feelings but only you & God know.  Today we sold your last quad.  It's so sad to see another piece of you go from our life.  It went to Jake & his family.  I am happy about that as Jake wanted something of yours/you.  I'm really missing you today Saxon so bad. Your everywhere in my heart, mind and soul and yet no where for me to hold you you or glance at those beautiful blue eyes and awesomely cute smile that would make me melt. My Saxon-how can I do this.... live this life for so long without you. How I miss you Sax.  Life just seems so wrong down here without you for me.  It's going into early fal and further away from the day I still held you in my arms.  My baby , my youngest... my heart just bleeds for you. I'll always love you.  It's not fair to have a so broken.  It wasnt fair to you but I know your in peace with our Lord.